Stop Being a Victim of the Narcissist

What you’re about to read comes from personal experience, rooted in genuine love and a deep desire for you to live the life you truly deserve. When many people realize they've been affected or even abused by a narcissistic individual, it's often only after enduring the experience for years. Having walked this path myself and after speaking with numerous women in long-term relationships with narcissists—whether contemplating leaving or already in the process—I’ve gained a deep understanding of the process and its impact.

Two key themes consistently emerge when discussing narcissistic relationships. The first is the overwhelming sense of shame and weakness that many people feel when they finally recognize they've been manipulated or abused by a narcissist. I want to challenge that perception and tell you that the opposite is true. The reason many struggle to identify narcissism is that no one taught us how to recognize it. We weren’t educated on narcissistic behavior patterns as children, so how could we possibly understand what’s happening? It’s like never learning to speak Spanish but expecting yourself to communicate during an emergency in that language—it just doesn’t make sense!

If you’ve realized that you’ve been negatively affected by a narcissist, the first thing you should do is show yourself some grace. It’s essential to have compassion for yourself. If you’ve tried everything to make it work with that person, give yourself credit for your resilience. That’s not a sign of weakness; it’s the utmost sign of strength. Resilience is a testament to your character, proving you have the courage to face challenges head-on. The ability to persevere, even in the face of manipulation and abuse, shows an incredible inner strength that should be acknowledged and celebrated.

The second common theme I’ve noticed is that women often find themselves stuck in self-doubt, self-pity, and fear after leaving a narcissistic relationship. This emotional paralysis stems from a fear that they won’t be able to identify narcissism in the future. The root cause is a loss of connection with their intuition. Many people, particularly those living an unintentional life, have lost touch with this inner guidance. My suggestion is to reconnect with your intuition by practicing specific movement and breathwork techniques. These practices can train your brain to be more present in the moment, helping you to make decisions with clarity and confidence. When you are in tune with your intuition, you can more easily recognize red flags in others and trust your instincts to guide you in the right direction.

Another reason people remain stuck in fear is that they perceive the narcissist as having power over them. They see the narcissist as a formidable figure—like the big bad wolf. But the truth is, the narcissist only had power because, on some level, you allowed it. I am not denying that abuse may have occurred; however, it’s crucial to take back control of your life. Now, as an adult who has left that relationship, you are in control of your destiny. Remember, powerful individuals are those who control their emotions, who respond rather than react, and who inspire others to happiness and fulfillment. A narcissist does none of these things. Instead of feeling powerless, recognize that you have the ability to shape your future and define your path.

Next time you feel triggered by the narcissist you left, try using visualization as a powerful tool to reshape your reality. Before reacting or responding, picture that individual as a powerless figure—imagine them in a dirty diaper with a pacifier in their mouth. Then ask yourself: do they really deserve any of your sacred energy? Visualizing them in this way helps diminish their power in your mind, empowering you to reclaim your strength and focus on your own well-being.

Taking back control of your life after a narcissistic relationship is a journey that requires patience, self-compassion, and a commitment to your own growth. Remember, you are not a victim—you are a survivor, and with time, you will find the peace and happiness you deserve. You are stronger than you think, and your future is in your hands.

In peace and health,

Dana Mincer, DO

For more information on my practice, please go to: LoveHealthDPC.com